April Fools: Palm OS 6 Cancelled

by Mike Cane, Exclusive to Palm Infocenter

In a move that surprised no one except Bill Gates and his cult of millionaires at Microsoft, Eric Benhamou, CEO of Palm, Inc. announced today that PalmSource was canceling development of its next-generation operating system, informally known as "Palm OS 6."

"It's true," Benhamou said. "I had a look at the work in progress and took an axe to it. Actually, it wasn't an axe. It was more like a mallet. Or maybe it was a mace." Mr. Benhamou stressed that the mace in question was unrelated to Chief Competitive Officer Michael Mace, although after extinguishing the OS-in-development, Benhamou also saw fit to discharge Michael Mace.

"I couldn't stand the guy," Benhamou said. "He was such a kvetch! He kept going around with this crazy To Do list of things he wanted in the operating system. I mean, who needs things like fonts? Or even protected memory. He wanted to protect memory. I've never paid for protection in my life! The guy gave me tsuris!"

Asked to comment, Mace said from an undisclosed location, "Listen. I fear for my life. That guy is crazy. Do you know what we called him around the office? Eric the Red. That should tell you something."

What exactly it was meant to convey, PIC was unable to ascertain as the phone line to Mace suddenly went dead.

Mace's exit from Palm took place not long after the departure of Steve Sakoman, formerly tasked with leading the development of the now-dead next-gen OS.

"Goddammit," Sakoman yelled at PIC. "I told you guys to never ask me why I really left! I still have a wife, and we want to have kids. Keep this up and I'll no longer have the equipment required to create kids! And I'm not talking about USB or Firewire, either! Did you know Benhamou was known as Eric the Red around the office? That should tell you something."

What exactly it was meant to convey, PIC was unable to ascertain as the phone line to Sakoman suddenly went dead.

Reached for comment on the latest development at his original creation, Palm progenitor and forlorn communicator-pusher Jeff Hawkins said, "You want me to tell you about Eric the Red? Are you nuts?"

"Leave Jeff alone," Donna Dubinsky said after she apparently pulled the phone away from Hawkins. "He doesn't have to talk to you any more. We paid you good money for those dirty pictures. Now leave him alone. He's still in therapy, damn you!"

Reached for comment, Hawkins's therapist said, "It's true. I see him twice a week. Are you sure you gave him all the pictures?"

Hawkins' therapist never received an answer to her question because the phone line suddenly went dead.

Meanwhile, in Japan, Palm licensee Sony was pondering its next step. "It is too early to tell," stated Maneki Neko, Sony spokesperson. "I just started this job yesterday and if I say the wrong thing, I won't have it tomorrow. You know how these Japanese are."

At Microsoft headquarters, anonymous multiple sources told PIC that Bill Gates, upon hearing the news, could not contain his joy. "I knew this day would come," he is reported as saying.

Additional sources inside Microsoft described the reaction of Steve Ballmer as nothing short of religious. "Allah be praised!" he is reported as saying. Or that could have been, "Allerby raised!" as he was at the time negotiating the finer points of an impromptu poker game.

Reached for comment on this very story, PIC website publisher Ryan Kairer said, "Don't you believe everything you read. Especially on April first."

(c) Copyright Mike Cane 2003 All Rights Reserved

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bjh @ 4/1/2003 3:05:28 PM #
Very cute...

RE: Cute..
NikMan @ 4/1/2003 4:44:42 PM #
Damn,. I was little bit drunk and readin allmost the half story. Damn you tricked me!

RE: Cute..
Spitz @ 4/1/2003 7:19:03 PM #
Did we really need 2 April Fools News articles?

Current PDA: Palm Tungsten|T
First PDA: PEG-NR70V

Comments: Great form factor, but for not much more I could have an NX with value-added features out the WAZOO.... damn cumbersome layout!

RE: Cute..
mikecane @ 4/1/2003 7:41:02 PM #
Some sites (without naming names, Pocket PC Thoughts!) had *several* (which were quite convincing!).

RE: Cute..
ecard @ 4/1/2003 9:59:42 PM #
That was nice, after the Windows Emulator and the Windows PE...

RE: Cute..
Calroth @ 4/4/2003 6:13:48 PM #
Set 'em up and knock 'em down.

If you have two April Fools stories, one outrageous and one slightly implausible, then people will spot the outrageous one, congratulate themselves on not being an April Fool, then get completely suckered by the slightly implausible one when they look for "real" news.

Well, that's one theory.

This is funny

GWD @ 4/1/2003 3:08:18 PM #
enough said. Great job!

Nino 310, Nino 319, Nino 510, (saw the light), IIIxe, IIIc, M105, Vx, M505, Tungsten T
RE: This is funny
Kaptain Korolev @ 4/1/2003 3:09:56 PM #
I actually believed it for a second until I read the story and realised what date it was.


s_n_m @ 4/1/2003 3:14:16 PM #



Geezus man that freaked me out!


RE: ...
J Palm @ 4/1/2003 4:07:41 PM #
Yeah! No sh** - me too!

:) (LOMA)

Palm OS 6 to be released ahead of schedule...

robman @ 4/1/2003 3:15:13 PM #
Now THAT would be funny!
RE: Palm OS 6 to be released ahead of schedule...
s_n_m @ 4/1/2003 4:41:01 PM #
I say we make this ^ guy head editor! That's good thinking!


It's for the best.

Foo Fighter @ 4/1/2003 3:42:06 PM #
We all knew this day was coming. Pocket PC crushed PalmOS. Face it folks. It's over...it was a fun, exciting, dizzying ride, but we've reached the end of the track. Please remain seated until the comes to a complete stop. You in the back row, put out your Cigarette...this is a non-smoking area!

"it's better to be a pirate than join the navy." - Steve Jobs
RE: It's for the best.
maven @ 4/1/2003 3:56:33 PM #
Hey, but wasn't it great while it lasted?

Still, I could tell you something *very* interesting about Eric the reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee......

RE: It's for the best.
abosco @ 4/1/2003 4:03:22 PM #
Foo, you know you don't wanna start with Boscie the Red.

Hats off to Mike for this one. Funny as hell.

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RE: It's for the best.
bigfoot @ 4/1/2003 4:11:49 PM #
I think you better check the date - 1 April


RE: It's for the best.
Foo Fighter @ 4/1/2003 4:13:41 PM #
> I think you better check the date - 1 April

Duh! I was being sarcastic.

"it's better to be a pirate than join the navy." - Steve Jobs

RE: It's for the best.
abosco @ 4/1/2003 4:14:20 PM #
I hereby dub you Captain Obvious. Congratulations.

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RE: It's for the best.
UZI4U182 @ 4/1/2003 6:58:10 PM #
The Earth is flat! :D

--Devan-- | UZI4U182@suscom.net
Main PDA: Sony CLIÉ PEG-SJ30
>|< This close to getting an NX60

Too unreal!

MKD @ 4/1/2003 5:01:56 PM #
I was really hoping for the new OS!! But one question...the article doesnt say if they are going to continue making a new OS. Does anyone know?

RE: Too unreal!
JKingGrim @ 4/1/2003 8:03:06 PM #
Absolutely not. Thde kind folks down at PalmSource have deciced to throw in the towel. They are sick of coding day in and day out. This is a true article.

Did you catch the sarcasm?

RE: Too unreal!
MKD @ 4/1/2003 11:46:02 PM #
This really sucks! And I wanted the new OS 6. I guess I will have to buy a ppc.

If you don't expect anything...
you won't be disappointed


April Fool's Day Rating:

rluxemburg @ 4/1/2003 5:12:45 PM #
1 out of a possible 10. Not plausible enough.

RE: April Fool's Day Rating:
mikecane @ 4/1/2003 5:32:23 PM #
You've missed the point. Every other 4/1 story is going to try to trick you. I went for the obvious laughs. I'm glad some of you enjoyed it.

RE: April Fool's Day Rating:
maven @ 4/1/2003 5:46:06 PM #
I appreciated the laughs, myself :)

RE: April Fool's Day Rating:
abosco @ 4/1/2003 5:46:08 PM #
Chill out, Mike. Remember, you need half a brain to understand jokes, and for some people, that standard is just too high.

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RE: April Fool's Day Rating:
mikecane @ 4/1/2003 6:30:12 PM #
Thanks for making ME laugh, Bosco! Haha!

Would have been more believable if...

kevdo @ 4/1/2003 5:43:56 PM #
I actually might have fell a little hard for this (at least until reading the body of the story) had I not also seen the Windows emulator story below it. That's what gave it away.

Love it when websites do this kind of thing. Great job guys!

-Kevin Crossman

I don't get it.

BDfromSD @ 4/1/2003 5:53:50 PM #
You mean, they call him Eric the Red? :)

Made me smile!

Homepage under Construction

you had me until the third paragraph...

rogerkang @ 4/1/2003 6:03:11 PM #
:) Very nice.

Apple's iDrinks

mikecane @ 4/1/2003 6:34:05 PM #
Didn't any of you see the link PIC has to this? This is a VERY exciting development for Apple! I think Palm should consider it too -- or maybe some of those Listerine-type breath strips... yeah! They could fit into the SD slot! That's the ticket!!


RE: Apple's iDrinks
bcombee @ 4/2/2003 4:24:50 PM #
Actually, at PalmSource a couple of years ago, Handspring was giving our Springboard modules that acted as floss dispensers.

Ben Combee, CodeWarrior for Palm OS technical lead
Programming help at www.palmoswerks.com

I didn't find this very funny...

Gekko @ 4/1/2003 9:25:43 PM #
because it is really not that far from the realm of reality. Benhamou, Mace, and the rest of the "Can't Shoot Straight Gang" could F-up a cup of coffee given the chance. Their shenanigans of the last few years have proven that. Just ask their shareholders - They're not laughing.

RE: I didn't find this very funny...
BlueAnon @ 4/1/2003 9:43:20 PM #
speaking of share holder. PALM closed 9.66 today, an all time low.


RE: I didn't find this very funny...
Wollombi @ 4/2/2003 12:06:46 AM #
Yeah, it takes a sense of humor...


It is not very comfortable to have the gift of being amused at one's own absurdity.
-Somerset Maugham-

Didn't make AP, but...

beaumich @ 4/4/2003 11:32:24 AM #
I was on a Palm/Palmtop newsgroup yesterday, and saw your OS6 joke cited almost verbatim as gospel. Think it was posted by a PPC nut. ROTFL.

RE: Didn't make AP, but...
mikecane @ 4/4/2003 6:53:34 PM #
I've really been surprised by the foaming at the mouth of some PPC users towards PalmOS PDAs. If Palm had not succeeded, what would Gates have had to rip off for PPC? (Hell, he even tried to rip off the Palm brand name by calling them "Palm PCs.")

Danger: IQs falling!

mikecane @ 4/5/2003 12:21:44 PM #
I see Ryan had to add "April Fools" to preface this "article's" title.


RE: Danger: IQs falling!
abosco @ 4/5/2003 12:36:50 PM #
Just remember what I said and you'll understand.

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